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June 10, 2016
Relationship Goals – The Passive Aggressive Battlefield
They are always around you – Where ever you go, they do follow you. They have the popular ego as their asset and honey tongue as their advantage. They chat with you and hold a pleasant appeal. They are absolutely bearable till the moment they take their masks off.
Let me come to the point – I am talking about the poor creature called “Passive Aggressive” office colleagues here. One incident to remember for my lifetime that happened a way back – when I had just started my career in that well renowned MNC.
Relationship Goals – Appearance Is Deceptive
Neeraj was touching every single technical topic that I was not aware of. In other words, I had not even thought such things were existing in our domain. He told that he had no idea how a fresher like me was chosen for that assignment, given that the complexity of that work. He was enough aggressive to keep me shut. As you know, I was a newbie in that office and got assigned with a critical feature that no one except him aware of. This so called technical geek Neeraj had come from Bangalore to guide me through that assignment. I was impressed by the way he showed up his knowledge about the subject. He really had impressed me to think that he must be a true genius.
The assignment was to develop a new diagnostics routine. The deadline was just a week ahead. He gave me some overview about them and sent a a handful of resources (More than 1000 pages of documentation) Before I wonder, he exclaimed how he spent a sleepless week to go through this document in the early of his career and also told that they are like the testaments of our domain. Without having a choice, I gone through all of them in a couple of days and nights and I thought that I was all set. Thus started developing a prototype.
Though I had done all the background work for that assignment, I had many doubts and a kind of lacking in confidence as I was new to that domain. Hence predominantly dependent on that guy. It was the fifth day and I was testing the model. Unexpectedly got into an issue while testing. As the release was scheduled on Monday, I had no other go than working over weekends. I asked about an assumption that Neeraj had made which looked different than the one in spec, but he never listened to me and shut me off with different questions. He showed egoistic and Aggressive behavior at times. Well, I turned into a passive mode of listening then and there. He gave some ideas to sort the issue out and took off simply to Bangalore to enjoy his weekend.
Relationship Goals – Believe in You
It was really a hectic weekend, one simple issue was testing my patience. Almost, 32 hours I had spent in office on those 2 days. It was Sunday evening, 6 PM. I was on extreme panic as I had tried out all the possible solutions provided by him. But, nothing went on my way. Highly frustrated and gave him a call for help – but that aggressive dog didn’t pick up. Without any choice, got ready to return home. I imagined a scene of standing before our manager with the jaw drooped as I could not complete my first assignment on time. Pathetic.!
When waiting for the bus, the whole issue was running inside my head and suddenly one incident flashed in my mind – The doubt that I had raised on Friday which Neeraj just ignored. I immediately started to walk back to office just to try that as a one last solution – just for the sake of pacifying myself. I reached the lab in 20 minutes and made that simple change – the maximum possible value of a TP buffer in our diagnostics config – a change of a constant from 82 to 80. You could have guessed it right with my elaboration of this sequence – Yes, It worked flawlessly. That b*s*a*d had just ripped my 32 hours off just on defending his ego. I gave a final build and did a regression test coverage over the changes. All went just fine. Wasted no time and Left office with a light heart on imagining that no scene of humiliation in front of my manager tomorrow.
Luckily got the last bus to the city, Yes, the SEZ (Special Economic Zones) campus was far away from city, in a remote village among fields. I was thinking about that guy who came all the way from Bangalore to screw my weekend with a false assumption. I could not get rid off that thought, what made it so difficult for him to accept or at-least even consider my doubt? He might have 6 years of experience in the field, but his baseless ego spoiled my 32 hours. If he had not ignored my question with aggression, I would have resolved the issue well before Saturday afternoon. As he was damn sure that my doubt was baseless, I never tried changing it at all. I was also cursing myself, how I was persuaded to think that he was right and what I read in the resource documentation was wrong. It was his self confidence and my lack of confidence. He was damn sure in his move even if it is baseless. But me.? damn unsure of things even if I knew it is right. Self Confidence is all it needs. I made up my mind to inform this to my manager so that he would know about that poor guy.
Monday when I entered office, Neeraj was there. I just walked to his place to tell what happened – He asked me to give some time as he was checking out my changes that I had pushed into the server. After a moment of time, he was in our Manager’s cabin, talking happily about something and my manager was shaking hands with him all smiles – One thing for sure, Neeraj was damn good at pleasing people, something I lacked from very basic. I sent a meeting request to my Manager to discuss on that issue before he grab things in his way. But my manager never responded to my request email. People always take others in lower levels for granted. I forgot about that incident completely as time passed.
Relationship Goals – Beware of Passive Aggression
Sometime later that week, I saw Neeraj in our Managers cabin, through the glass windows. With a wide smile, he was receiving a shield – guess some sort of appreciation. Well I thought, the shield is for his talent of screwing people with aggression, honey tongue and making cooked up stories to grab the lime light that were really pleasing to the ears of Managerial Insects. My mind shifted towards the things happened last week, but had to put them aside as I had another herculean activity to work on this week. Luckily, under another mentor. Don’t know how, they somehow marked me as a die hard coder and started assigning work that every others refuse to take up.
Sometime in the afternoon, I was walking past Neeraj’s desk. Out of curiosity looked at the shield that he got that morning – Forgot to breath for a second. What the .? You guess what.? The shield read “Appreciations for Excellent technical leadership provided towards a successful completion of Circular Dependency issue in diagnostics config”. The same assignment that I completed by giving my hard nerves out. For the same assignment which he almost screwed up with his senseless ego. For the same assignment, he didn’t even care to answer my call. Frustrated instantly. It was really heart breaking for me and I took a off and left office for the rest of the day.
It happened almost nine years ago. I still have such egoistic, aggressive people around me, around my friends and around everywhere. They follow us like a shadow. Always living around you. Waiting eagerly for opportunities to grab the lime light from you, Looking for chances of instant fame by ditching others with their passive aggressive behavior.
Enemies who take us straight on face right from our front are really manageable, but what about the betrayers .? I don’t see a better name than calling them as betrayers who are masters in busting your peace of mind and grab your moment of success in no time – just like a piece of cake.
Beware and Get ready to face those passiveaggressivepersonalities at their very home.
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